Owen’s rebellious nature is becoming more apparent. Standing outside of Magnolia’s, where we had a nice Sunday morning breakfast with the in-laws, Owen refused to get in our car. In defiance, he struck out at his grandfather, landing a blow to his ball cap. As if to soften the blow, making cute out of mean, his step-grandmother remarked, “Oh look at him a little rebelliousness!” Was any harm really done?
Harm was done…to my pride. In this split-second, my fatherly calvinistic anthropology was trumped by my own desire to look good. How could my step, step-mother-in-law say anything remotely negative about my object of my soul’s delight, my sixteen month old Owen? I didn’t say anything, but my mind was filled with plenty of words: “He’s not that bad. He’s tired. He needs a nap….” So goes the fatherly rationalization.
The problem is that when I minimize my son’s sin, I move towards maximizing my own. Sure, I told him “No.” But perhaps the more dangerous, undetected sin was that in my own heart, the desire that my son not be perceived as rebellious. Image. I don’t want anyone detecting his depravity, even though I know it’s there.
These thoughts will surely lead down a slippery parental path. By minimizing his sin and holding dear other’s interpetations
of Owen’s actions, I idolize the perceptions and opinions of others. What is uppermost in my own heart is not Owen’s greatest good, but his [my] appearance before others. I want Owen to be set apart, known as less sinful and more enjoyable. In these moments, I want to be praised for having an exceptionally well-behaved child more than I want my child to recongnize his need for redemption and grace.
What do I do now? Apologize to Owen? Strategize to correct him more quickly? No, first I repent before our Creator for making impression managment, image, more important than the gospel. I require redemption and grace before I move into more gracious and redemptive parenting. I confess that I want the heart of Joseph, who interpreted sin as not ultimately an unkind act towards others, but as rebellion towards a beneficent God. I ask for the forgiveness offered because God’s death in Christ. I grieve my actions and embrace my Father’s warm love and acceptance. I confess that his acceptance satisfies me infinitely more than the acceptance of my in-laws or anyone who holds opinions about my son. I kneel in worship, not at the feet of unregenerate family members (in-laws or children), but at the footstool of an awesome, will-creating, sin-forgiving, soul-transforming, joy-restoring Redeemer.