What is marriage for? Is marriage a social or cultural convention? Is  it a silly obligation intended to “legalize” sex or short-circuit pleasure? Marriage actually has enduring purpose and and points away to  deeper pleasure. God created marriage, male and female he created them,  as a reflection of his relationship to us (Gen  1:27; 2:18-25; Eph 5). Marriage is by God and for God. Whenever we turn  it around—marriage by us and for us—we mess it all up. It  backfires. Inevitably, we all mess marriage up, which is why it’s so  important that we know how to turn it around. We need a clear bearing on  how we’re to exist as spouses. How does this marriage thing work?!
Marriage is by God and for God.
Marriage is a precious gift from God. When we respond to God  about marriage, we bend it around his intention like a potter shapes a  piece of wet clay, forming it into something stunning and useful.  However, when we refuse to turn our marriages around, and reject what  our marriages are made for, they devolve into competitive need-meeting,  which eventually hardens, dries, and becomes brittle. When your  need—not God—is in the middle of marriage it will crack. However,  when our marriages are regularly splashed with the grace of God’s  purpose, they can be shaped into something more beautiful and satisfying  than any human can account for.
Beliefs About Marriage Matter
I have been married for eleven years. The second year was hell.  Screaming matches, threats, curse words, tears, passive-agressive, pain,  confusion, anger, withdraw. If we believed that marriage was  about us, about getting our needs met, we would have walked away in year  two. I’m so deeply grateful we didn’t. What moved us through a  difficult year, and into thriving years, and later on through suffering  years, and back into thriving years, was our common belief that  marriage is not only a precious gift but also profound stewardship. To  be more plain, we believed that marriage was penultimately about us and  ultimately about God. We knew that we made a commitment to one another  second and a commitment to God first.
Marriage is not only a precious gift but also profound stewardship.
Marriage is a profound stewardship before God. Sure, it is a  wonderful gift but sometimes it doesn’t feel wonderful. And feelings do  not get you through hell or suffering in marriage. What does and can  get you through is truth. The truth about husbands and wives, when  believed, so reshapes feelings that marriage becomes something molded,  not around our expectations but around God’s expectations.
You Don’t Complete Me
God  tells me that my marriage is a mysterious display of a greater  relationship between Christ and the Church. That the husband  sacrificially, humbly leads and the wife respectfully, lovingly follows.  But my society tells me that my marriage exists for my happiness, that  it is meant to “complete me” in some pipe-dream Jerry Mcguire sense.  That we are two identical halves waiting to fit together. Nothing could  be further from the truth. We are more like two puzzle pieces, very  different, with egdes that need smoothing, but are meant to fit together  with each playing its intended role in the overall picture of God’s  wise and kind design. We are wonderfully equal but incredibly different.
My feelings tell me that marriage is relationship that should bring  me substantial, if not inordinate satisfaction. God tells me that He  alone can bring me inordinate satisfaction (Psalm 16:11). Our feelings  often lie but God always tells the truth. When marriage messes up. When  conflict, hell, or suffering come will God’s truth shape your feelings  or will your feelings dictate a new “truth” (“I married the wrong  person.” “This won’t work.” “We fell out of love.) These are need-centered, feeling-based cop-outs  from God’s marital design.
Grace-shaped Marriage
Will marriage be about you and your needs or about God and his great  purpose to shave off your edges and draw you closer into Him? Will  marriage be by you and for you or will it be by God and for God? When  marriage becomes less about us and more about God, we can settle into appropriate expectations and joy as husbands and wives. And when we return to  God as our great Husband or Lover, we can love and respect, lead and follow in harmony. We will have a  bearing on what God has made us for. What we believe about marriage matters, and when we believe what’s true we can experience joy in marriage. When we insist on what is false we harden. In God’s design, we can be so splashed by grace that  marriage becomes not only a profound stewardship but also a precious  gift, useful and stunning.
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Read to grow your marriage in grace:
HT: ACL Blog