Category: Gospel and Culture

Continued from How to Have Gospel Conversations (Pt 1). I have adapted a mantra for gospel conversation and counseling from David Powlison which follows three movements: 1) Listen to Their Story 2) Discern Their Story 3) Redemptively Retell Their Story.

Discern Their Story

Good questions are not sufficient for substantive community. Knowledge about a person’s life circumstances doesn’t produce community. It is important that we also learn how to love and empathize with people when they share their heart. We can do this by striving to understand how they are responding to their circumstances. Are they doubting, depressed, encouraged, or bitter? It is important to respond by empathizing with their struggle, just as Jesus empathizes with us: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses” (Heb 4:15). Communicate your love and acceptance regardless of their struggle and make sure they know that you have heard their story.

Empathize with their Story

• Are you discouraged? Where are you doubting?
  That is so difficult. Ugh!
  Does anyone else struggle with that?
  Can we pray for you right now?
  Bring up the issue in the next meeting
  What are some ways you do this?

Once you have empathized with someone’s story, you have embodied the gospel before speaking the gospel. It’s important that we follow Jesus example of gentle empathy with others instead of trying to “fix” people. Empathy alone, however, doesn’t offer hope. In order to lead people to hope in their situation, we need to be discerning, wise friends, to help them look into their own hearts. The heart is the seat of our longings and decsion-making. It governs our response to our circumstances. Therefore, what our heart believes, desires, trusts determines our response to a situation. To have good gospel conversations, we need to help people discern their heart in the mist of their life story.

Discern they Heart in their Story

• In that situation I would be tempted to blame my co-worker, what about you guys?
• Is there a subtle lie you might be believing here?
• What do you want most out of the situation? What are you longing for?
• Where do you feel like you were wronged?
• What is most important to you in that moment?

Additional Questions to Discern Idols of the Heart [1]

• Where are you spending your money?
  Where does your imagination take you? What do you daydream about?
  Where are your emotions uncontrollable? What do you find yourself longing for, angry over, fearful of? There is your idol.
  How do you respond to unanswered prayers or dashed hopes?

Have you ever sat in group discussion with and found it incredibly difficult to get a good conversation going? I’ve found it can be very challenging to move conversations along, especially when you’re trying to go deep and get to the gospel. Here are a few principles that might help.

Listen to Their Story

In order to promote good gospel conversations in small group gatherings, it is important that everyone listens to one another’s story well. Don’t check out, criticize, or think about your own. Listen to their story. In order to do this, everyone must ask questions of one another, learn one another’s stories over and over again. Our lives are continually changed through conflict, challenges, promotions, relationships, and new experiences. Without asking good questions of one another, we can’t really share in deep community. Good questions help uncover the truth about how people are really doing and open the opportunity to share life and truth together. Ask questions and genuinely listen to one another’s stories.

Ask Good Questions

• Can you elaborate on that?
• How did that happen?
• How does that make you feel?
• Did you feel alone or supported?
• Were you afraid or confident?
• How did you respond?
• How are you feeling now?
• What concerns you the most about this?

Listen in order to Speak Gospel Encouragement

• What grace can you affirm in their life?
  • That’s a really helpful insight.
  • It’s been so challenging to hear you talk about your neighbor
• What victory can you celebrate?
  • We’ve seen God answer your prayer for less people pleasing
  • Isn’t it awesome how God provided this job for you?
• What progress have you seen in their faith?
  • You are fighting depression really well
  • I’ve really seen you grow in this area
• What are some ways you do this?

Move the Conversation Along Deliberately

• Develop Sermon Discussion Questions: Progress from 1) anyone can answer to 2) a challenge 3) the deeper heart idol or lie 4) what needs to change 5) How the Bible shows us we can change. Lead discussions by trying to guide people roughly through this progression.

• Ask Transitional Questions:
  • Follow up off-base or incorrect comments with “What do you guys think?”
  • Anyone else relate to or struggle with that?
  • Tom, we haven’t heard from you, what do you think?
  • Nate, can you hold onto that comment so we can hear from someone else who hasn’t shared tonight?
  • Allow silence…
  • What are some ways you do this?

Over at www.gospelcentereddiscipleship.com we’ve listed some best practices for implementing Fight Clubs in your church, ministry, and life. Take a minute to read through them and see how you may need to correct or improve in making the gospel of grace central in your discipleship. I’ve listed the categories below:

1. Strengths for Success

2. Challenges We Face

3. Indefinite Duration of Groups

4. Fight Clubs for Pastors