Owen’s rebellious nature is becoming more apparent. Standing outside of Magnolia’s, where we had a nice Sunday morning breakfast with the in-laws, Owen refused to get in our car. In defiance, he struck out at his grandfather, landing a blow to his ball cap. As if to soften the blow, making cute out of mean, his step-grandmother remarked, “Oh look at him a little rebelliousness!” Was any harm really done?
Harm was done…to my pride. In this split-second, my fatherly calvinistic anthropology was trumped by my own desire to look good. How could my step, step-mother-in-law say anything remotely negative about my object of my soul’s delight, my sixteen month old Owen? I didn’t say anything, but my mind was filled with plenty of words: “He’s not that bad. He’s tired. He needs a nap….” So goes the fatherly rationalization.
The problem is that when I minimize my son’s sin, I move towards maximizing my own. Sure, I told him “No.” But perhaps the more dangerous, undetected sin was that in my own heart, the desire that my son not be perceived as rebellious. Image. I don’t want anyone detecting his depravity, even though I know it’s there.
These thoughts will surely lead down a slippery parental path. By minimizing his sin and holding dear other’s interpetations
of Owen’s actions, I idolize the perceptions and opinions of others. What is uppermost in my own heart is not Owen’s greatest good, but his [my] appearance before others. I want Owen to be set apart, known as less sinful and more enjoyable. In these moments, I want to be praised for having an exceptionally well-behaved child more than I want my child to recongnize his need for redemption and grace.
What do I do now? Apologize to Owen? Strategize to correct him more quickly? No, first I repent before our Creator for making impression managment, image, more important than the gospel. I require redemption and grace before I move into more gracious and redemptive parenting. I confess that I want the heart of Joseph, who interpreted sin as not ultimately an unkind act towards others, but as rebellion towards a beneficent God. I ask for the forgiveness offered because God’s death in Christ. I grieve my actions and embrace my Father’s warm love and acceptance. I confess that his acceptance satisfies me infinitely more than the acceptance of my in-laws or anyone who holds opinions about my son. I kneel in worship, not at the feet of unregenerate family members (in-laws or children), but at the footstool of an awesome, will-creating, sin-forgiving, soul-transforming, joy-restoring Redeemer.
The inventions of science never cease to imaze me. The pure ingenuity, creativity, and orderly design as people in our Creator’s image is clearly reflected in the new development of a bionic eye, that could restore sight to millions! Can you imagine? The blind moved from darkness to light through the invasion of foreign bionics, light-giving vision!
paraphrases of the ancient Song of Solomon. The link above is a remixed version. Download the album for the more emotive version.