What 40 Years of Marriage Can Do for Kids

Posted on October 13, 2013

We piled into the small suv with my brother, Luke, and sister-in-law, Miranda. The “in-law” part feels artificial when you really are family. We pointed the car east, to Aggieland, for a rendezvous with my other brother and sister-in-law, Ben and Megan, and my parents. The Saturday afternoon laid open before us, like an unfurling map, winding our way through conversation, high and low, blind to our surroundings. A few conversational lulls afforded my the opportunity to rehearse my speech. I really wanted these words to count, to land in the heart.

We all converged, from the east and the west, at Madden’s casual gourmet. Open wooden rafters, well-worn wood plank floors, and twenty foot ceilings. Ben, Megan, Mom, and Dad were already there, at the table, waiting for us. After a barrage of hugs and smiles we all sat down to celebrate my parent’s 40th wedding anniversary. Conversation zipped along the runway and we were off, traveling the airways of children, parenting, theology, church, and marriage.

We paused in the gaiety to reflect on the grace flowing from my parents’ four decade commitment. Parental marriages carry incalculable influence. I knew it was photoimpossible to estimate the impact of their mutual, spilling over love, but I had to get some of it out. Growing up, you have no idea how much your parent’s relationship affects you. You take it for granted. Occasionally you will compare or contrast it to others, but very often it is simply the water you swim in. You take in the good and the bad and just keep swimming. Upon reflection, I knew there were things I needed to surface with them.

First, thank you for your fidelity and friendship for forty years. We have watched your marital love and commitment strengthen, through thick and thin, and we have benefited. I have carried the example right into my own marriage. My wife is my best friend. My parents love life. They enjoy European culture, love struggling souls through deep brokenness, and give from a place of generous, mutual love. This love has been tested. We watched them fight as we grew. It wasn’t a plastic marriage with flaws hidden, it was real, deep, and always moving towards the Redeemer. Many people can’t look to their parents as an example of fidelity and friendship, but I can, and I am grateful.

Second, thank you for loving the church as a family when the church was hard to love. Growing up we had some weird and good church experiences, but one thing that is fixed in my memory is that church went beyond the walls, walked beyond the Sunday service, and ate leisurely together. Looking back, I realize that I have a foundation for church as a family from my parents pursuit of people outside of programs, events, groups, and services. They loved their friends. We would drive out into the country and enjoy home-cooking, run the rural fields, go fishing, all on a Sunday afternoon, with the church, with people who were utterly changed by Jesus. My parents could have understandably turned their backs on “the church”; they were hurt, snubbed, misunderstood, but deep down they knew that is all part of being an imperfect family, and that the galvanizing element isn’t mutual love but a singular love, the outpouring of the life and grace of Christ.

Third, thank you for praying this for each of your children for years and years: 

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3 John 4)

Man, did I test that prayer request. We all did in our own ways–struggles with greed, skepticism, and sex. The deceitful siren call wooed us more than once, and I walked pretty far from the truth, from enjoying the love and grace of my Savior more than any other love or grace in this world. But they prayed me through. My parents plead with God that their son would leave the pig sty and come home, and they were there, every single time, running to meet me in the street, arms wide open. I dirtied their clothes in my embrace, and they didn’t even care. They were just happy their lost son had come home, that God the Father had answered their prayer, their son, now a very imperfect but committed disciple, is walking the truth, the truth of the gospel of God’s marvelous grace.

Thank you Mom and Dad, for praying us all into the truth, into Christ. We love you. We carry an intuitive inheritance of marital friendship, fidelity, and more than I realized, a model for loving the church as a family. There are more riches here than we will ever know. We stand on a heap of refined gold, may we follow your generous gift, may each of our children walk in the truth, may the graces cascade even more, from the Father, Son, and Spirit, through our marriages, onto our children, through the church, and out into the world.

Books I’m Reading for Fun

Posted on October 10, 2013

Run with the Horses (Peterson) – a book on character, endurance, and faith through Eugene Peterson’s reflections on the prophet Jeremiah. A favorite quote:

“We have so much more experience in sin than in goodness that a writer has far more imaginative material to work with in presenting a bad character than a good person.”

MaddAddam (Atwood) – I’ve been an avid Atwood fan for years. In addition to good writing, and bits of sic-fi, Atwood always weaves in thick descriptions and philosophical reflection. This book is the third and final volume in the series. My favorite in the series was the first, Oryx and Crake.

Survival of the Prettiest (Etcoff) – a fascinating study of beauty, compiling disturbing statistics on self-improvment beauty, while exploring various answers to the question: “Why do we desire beauty?” Her answer is ultimately shaped by Darwinism. We desire beauty because it ensures procreation. This, of course, does not account for our longing for non-sexual beauty.

The Pastors Justification (Wilson)- an edifying read for any pastor or leader, but perhaps equally important for the church to read in order to understand and help their pastors thrive and serve the church well.

Here are three Quotes I pulled from it.

The Man in the Black Hat (Klosterman) – a curious exploration of what makes a villain evil, and what makes evil bad, through the unorthodox writing and pop culture reflections of Chuck Klosterman

 

Could Every Day be Marvelous?

Posted on October 8, 2013

This morning I stumbled out of bed after waking up twice to the moans of two of my children. Our two year old is in a “climb out of her bed at midnight and get in mommy and daddy’s bed” phase. My eldest son woke up nauseated and dry-throated. By the afternoon, I was driving to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription, that the doctor didn’t charge us to prescribe, and paid fifteen dollars for a ten day cure for my son’s strep throat.

After breakfast, I went for a walk in our neighborhood trails, tree covered and cool, with my wife and kids. My two year old repeatedly said “Hold you,” which means she wants me to hold her. I carried her tiny body around, taking in stretches of plant green, wide-bladed St. Augustine, splinter bark of junipers poking out and up, and guided her tired body through the crushed granite maze. Over a year ago, we received about thirty thousand dollars to make our home affordable.

After a few slices of pepperoni over lunch with an old friend, we walked over to his office, where I got to talk about the unbelievability and hope of the resurrection with the designers at Ptarmak, who are working on covers for my two new books. You just feel creative in their space. They took me on, not because of the profitability of my work but because they are genuinely excited about the projects. I walked away with every confidence that the great art will wrap up the great truths I’m trying to unpack.

I ate dinner with my family, and enjoyed their company, before heading out to teach a class on interpreting poetry to a community I know and love. Together, we got into, under, and around the word so that we can live the truly good life, the blessed life, as we delighted in God’s law and marveled at its wisdom and grace, manifested supremely in the faithful and true Psalm one Man.

Today was marvelous. Sometimes it didn’t seem like it. Interrupted sleep. Sick children. Suspense on cover art. Curious if my teaching would be clear, true, and most of all, carried by the Spirit into the hearts of our people.

Looking back, it was marvelous because Christ was sustaining the created order for me to enjoy, sustaining me to enjoy my kids, well ahead of me in lining up a design firm and a gospel opportunity, present as his word was taught, compelling us all to be fruitful trees planted in the life-giving counsel of Christ. I wish I saw every day like this, backwards, through the eyes of Jesus.